Finally free to be me!

It’s the full moon of August. A massive Leo energy gateway of transformation. Full moons give me a huge boost into higher more expansive states.  August 16th is my 51st birthday. So this Leo full moon catapulted me into a deep state of peace after my morning meditation. I felt a deep connection to my inner child longing for my own acceptance and unconditional love. I was finally able to see my own perfection and worthiness. Gut wrenching sobs flowed out of me as I hugged my inner child and gave her back the light of my own soul that childhood neglect and trauma had suppressed. My mother’s soul energy met me in meditation and I was able to finally forgive her and truly accept the healing energy of forgiveness and nurturing that she offered. The emotional pain body legacy I “inherited” from her was OURS to work together to dissolve and finally heal from our ancestral lineage. By our release and recognition of this ancestral pain between mother and daughter, we complete our souls and come back into unity and love, Oneness.  All my life I felt so separated from my mother  and could never please her or get her to accept me. The four year old inner child was a piece of me that got “frozen” locked away in time due to trauma. It was the first time a clear pattern formed in my mind that my mother did not care for me. My father had made me a pin wheel and I ran and played with it and fell and gashed my knee. My mother freaked out yelled at my Dad for making me the toy and yelled at me as she wash and bandaged my wound in anger telling me how horrible I was for falling and ruining her day. She then put me on the floor in the corner without any dinner and told everybody in our family to ignore me as they ate silently listening to me cry in my corner. My Dad never made me another toy after that. And I tried very hard never to fall and hurt myself. I didn’t want my mom to be disappointed in me again. I developed a coping strategy of trying to be a good people pleaser which really didn’t work well for me because it caused me to develop other coping behaviors since pleasing people was impossible since I was also an empath and felt everyone’s pain around me.  So I started turning to food and sweets to calm my anxious unsafe feelings.

This childhood experience was just one of many many times I felt unloved, even hated by my mother was such a terrible burden for my inner child. Self love, lots of it, gave me courage to look at the deep wounds within. It’s taken a great deal of inner work to get to HERE NOW.

The inner “work” would not have ever unfolded if I did not have the breast cancer and the lymph edema set back that triggered and even deeper dive into self love. Now I am so much lighter physically mentally and emotionally. I AM free of the emotional baggage and food addiction. I AM free to love without fear of being hurt. I now see the perfection in ALL. What happened between my mother and me was perfect. It allowed for growth and healing to occur and finally progress resulted. This progress is human evolution into a Divine light being making miracles!

Now that I’m finally healed within my energy and consciousness, I know my life is going to be even more full of incredible miraculous experiences. It’s all subjective folks. We can choose to completely change ourselves from the inside.  Yes, we all eventually die and return our soul back to Heaven. But only to come back in a new body and continue our endless journey. We truly are free and limitless. We just need to release the trauma that keeps us vibrating at lower states of consciousness and feeling powerless and unable to truly live in joy. These lower vibrations block our energy flow and cause pain and dis-ease like cancer or addictions  in our bodies. The 2 main causes of cancer is smoking and obesity. These are addictive behaviors. We have to ask ourselves why we have addictions?

Now that I’m light and free I plan on making the best use of my remaining time in this now healthy beautiful body. Healing is first a state of wellness in the mind and emotional body. The physical body always follows the mental and emotional bodies as a holistic unfolding. All is connected. All is energy. All is consciousness.  All is happening within you first before it manifests in the physical. Remember it’s all a 3D holographic reality so you (consciousness) can explore itself as a self. It’s an endless cycle of self discovery through the imagination of our mind. How do you want to experience existence?

I’m going to LOVE like there’s nothing else I would rather do. I’m going to engage with life and nature with wonder, relish, intimacy, and gratitude!  I’m my universe. I have the most awesome life. My husband and son are my glory, my soulmates and I can now see the Divine perfection in them. I’m going to love them and everyone I know like my long time soulmate. Life is just getting good! Finally….

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