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“I have 1,000 friends on Facebook, but no one to feed my cat.” — Esther Perel
As I age, the bar for true connections rises. My speed dial? Just family. I can count my dependable friends on two fingers.
You might think I should open my door to everyone. But as an introvert, that door feels stuck.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Introverts know the struggle:
- Initial introductions
- Remembering backstories
- Regular meet-ups to build relationships
Life stage matters. As a breadwinner and father of four, time is scarce. Sure, I binge Netflix, but I also post on LinkedIn.
It’s not just about meeting new people; it’s about connecting.
It’s not about “opening to diverse viewpoints.” That’s exhausting. Sometimes, you just want to relax and enjoy good company.
Many Singaporean men fondly remember National Service—not just for the training, but for the camaraderie and banter.
In the corporate world, there’s the “airport test”: Would you want to be stuck in an airport with this person?
I once endured a 45-minute car ride with someone I couldn’t stand. Torture. But there are also those conversations you wish would never end.
Loneliness is real. Over one-third of adults 45+ feel lonely; nearly one-fourth of those 65+ are socially isolated.
Loneliness is linked to:
- 50% increased risk of dementia
- Higher rates of heart disease
- Higher rates of depression and anxiety
It’s comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
15! At my peak, I smoked 10 sticks daily. Loneliness is a heavy smoker without the high.
As introverts, social events drain us. We prefer fictional characters over real-life interactions.
But 15 sticks? Let’s aim for 7 or 8.
So, I join group gym sessions instead of working out alone. I attend one social event monthly and play futsal on Sundays.
One key strategy? Turning online connections into offline relationships.
James Chia, a friend since 2018, is someone I can talk to for hours (Check out his company ArcLab that is providing Deskless Workforce Training). He has a great memory, which helps.
I seek:
- Authenticity
- Relatability
- Not weird me out
Keep your bar high, but also keep your door open.
Because it’s either that or 15 sticks of loneliness a day.
